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The Creative Space of Natalie Krill 

Grief

My Step father was my rock. It has taken me 4 years to process his sudden passing and it continues everyday as I am reminded of him. We all lose people that are close to us. Loss is a thread that connects us all. In this piece, I speak to my journey with grief. It is a never ending journey that provides countless realizations about life and loss.


“Grief,I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” - Jamie Anderson



GRIEF, I’ve learned

Is really like a journey you can’t see until you get through to the other side

It is mysterious

It plays in the subconscious


Reflecting on my 4 years living with grief

I can now see

How I ran away

How I closed off from the world

Fearful

Afraid, it would take more things that I love away from me

So I shut off the feeling

It’s an ocean of emotion

And when I touch it

It’s a lot

But this journey has a life of it’s own

It’s not under my control


I’ve tried

I’ve tried to do all the right things to honour the process

To honour the loss

I’ve meditated

I’ve raged

I’ve celebrated

And I’ve cried

Oh I have cried

But it’s never been under my control

Although these efforts help

They do support the process

But she is a wild one

And just when I feel I’ve tamed the horses

They buck and take a sharp turn


So, I’m gonna stop

I am going to stop digging my heels in

I am going to let her have her ride

I am going to stop resisting that she is me

How can I integrate

Can I let her flow through me

Because the grief will always be there

How can I learn to dance with it

How can I learn to transform it

Can I allow it to shape me into what would make him proud?

I cannot deny how badly I want that


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Wow. Took me a few times to read this. Grief is the most painful feeling without a physical touch, but it affects us all in mind, body, soul, & spirit.

The common saying, "Time heals all", isn't exactly true. Our mind, body, soul, & spirit trains itself to cope with the grief. When pictures, stories, & memories come up in conversation, our coping skills kick in - we smile, say an anecdote, hug each other, & move on. But when we are alone, away from family & friends, the grief comes back tenfold & we can't hold it back - we shouldn't hold it back. Grief/Love needs an outlet, otherwise it will eat you up from inside & spit you…

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Kat
Kat
Jun 30, 2020

Thankyou natalie for this piece that speaks to everyone. Reading this makes me go through a wave of emotions with your journey. You are right about how grief is like a thread that connects us all, even though we don't know each other it feels like a comforting friend knowing that your emotions are valid and you all go through that very same phase.


This is a very sad and painful chapter in our lives that we all would like to overcome to, yet we don't want to completely forget because it's the only thing that they've left us... memories of them that we hold on to, we cherish, treasure and we always come back to. Losing someone dear to…

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I can relate to this on so many levels, mostly with the loss of my husband. I dont think grief ever stops, it just has peaks and valleys and some days we are steady on our feet and others it knocks us down, and that is ok. This piece hits home, thank you for sharing....💕

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No matter the loss, grief imprints itself within our soul. Always there, some days louder than others. It hurts. 💔

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