I tried to push the pain away for so long, until there was nowhere else for it to be pushed and it started to push back. Learning to embrace my pain and darkness is what has brought me healing and wholeness. There is a power and a beauty in seeing your darkness as a valuable part of yourself.
Some days the demon inside is strong
She scratches and tears and threatens to break my will
She is old and big and reminds me of a time
When there was no light
When there was so much pain
At first when she returns I feel afraid
She scares me for she seems so dark and mean
She mutters hateful words and changes my face
She kicks and screams and pulls me under
I scream out, why?
What do you want from me?
Why do you put me through this?
Why do you hurt me so?
She screams and shouts back
I believe her words
I break
I am broken
She stands over me
As I lay there shaking and scared
Broken and a mess
I open my eyes and I see a tear fall from the demons eye
She too is broken
I see the sadness in her dark broken heart
This demon is a part of me
She only wants to be held
She only wants to be seen
I hold her shaking, trembling body and see her cruelty for what it is
Her pain
As I hold her and cradle her in my gentle love
I see her dark beauty and no longer am I afraid
She has battled true evil for me
She is always there for me
I see her battle wounds
She is fierce and loyal
She is me
I am her
She is wild
I am grateful for her gravity
Grateful for her courage
I am grateful for the pain.